Trying to write EDM without a studio quality sub is tricky to say the least.  I've learned to go by meters on the kick and bass for awhile now, and then reference my mixes on different systems as compared to other works that I am familiar with.  This article on Resident Advisor concerning VU meters has really given me a lot of good information.  I've got a virtual VU in VST format that I'm now putting into good use.  Although it's not technically as accurate as an analog meter, I have no doubt it will aid me greatly in fine tuning that elusive low end balance on any sub bass.  A snippet:

"This is particularly true when relying solely on PPMs and mixing "in the box." It leaves a mastering engineer with very little headroom in which to work, but it also doesn't encourage steadfast production. I often receive audio that has a high level but doesn't actually sound that loud. Make sense? Probably not. Loudness, presence and energy often come through careful and skilled use of dynamics on all the different components, pulling together a mix that actually begins to sound louder in terms of energy, but only has a sensible master mix level below or near to its maximum destined medium. By using a VU meter you have a better indicator of what your limits are and can work under or up to them accordingly."

http://www.residentadvisor.net/feature.aspx?1467